20 April 2012
Today's prompt was for us to write about a Miracle Cure. Of course we were to put on a disclaimer so people knew that it was a creative writing exercise, but in my case, I seriously doubt I need to warn anyone that a lotion made of a mixture of Coca-Cola® and Hershey's® Chocolate is not a serious cure for anything. Although the chocolate itself is a bit of a cure for the blues at times for some people! I know it can lift my spirits when I am feeling a bit low! And because of my habitual consumption of Coca-Cola®, I suffer horrible migraines when I do not drink it.
April 20, 2012
New reports from the latest study done by the School of Arthritis and Fibromyalgia Pain Control at SPU have shown that a new treatment for the pain caused by various forms of arthritis and fibromyalgia has been found. Professors and researchers at the university found that by applying small amounts of a lotion made up of a mixture of Coca-Cola® and melted Hershey's® chocolate to the joints relieved the pain, redness, warmth and stiffness. Lab tests show a marked decrease in ESR levels as well as CRP levels. Some patients who were positive for rheumatoid factor, tested negative after 2 month's worth of the unorthodox treatment.
Researchers are as yet unsure exactly what compound in the mixture is responsible for the changes. They are seeking patients to begin further testing of this novel treatment. In the past, people did not value soft drinks because of their empty calories. But if this new medication proves to be helpful, the war on sodas may be over. Chocolate has been valued in small amounts for it's healthy properties, but unfortunately, it is a food that people do not seem to be able to consume in moderate amounts.
The process of mixing the two substances into a lotion does render the mixture unappetizing in looks and taste. There are no calories in the mixture either. Patients who took part in this ground-breaking study were skeptical that the researchers were telling them what was truly in the lotion. "I seriously doubt that they use real Coca-Cola® and Hershey's® chocolate. Those are just code names." said one study participant who wished to remain anonymous so as not to jeopardize their study enrollment. They concluded their statements by adding, "I do NOT care what is in this lotion as long as it works so well at relieving my pain. This is the first I've been able to dance the night away since my diagnosis."
Future studies will show the benefits of food items in treating a number of chronic health issues scientists hope. "It's a novel process in which we isolate the beneficial elements of a food and drink combination and combine them in an easy to use formula for patients to test. We are hopeful that as we discover more of these combinations, we find that there is a market for this type of application." said one researcher yesterday.
Officials at both Coca-Cola® and Hershey's® were unaware that their products were being tested as a treatment for the chronic condition prior to Wednesday, when the news broke. Melvin Snafulhagen, a representative for Coca-Cola® said Friday, "I am unable to comment on the exact nature of this "miracle cure" at this time. We were unaware that any researchers were studying one of our products in order to use it in a pharmaceutical application. We will be seeking access to the researcher's work in order to assure ourselves that they have not broken down the formula for Coca-Cola®." Emma Mulberryham, spokeswoman for Hershey's® said yesterday, "It is our policy not to comment on matters until we have conducted a full investigation into the issue. We have sought access to the researcher's work and until we have looked it over, we are unwilling to comment any further. It would be an interesting way of using our product IF it turns out to be the cure they have announced that it is."
Researchers have yet to comment on the statements made by both companies and are no longer answering our calls for more information.
We will be covering this story as news is made public on this ground-breaking, miraculous cure.
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